My due date was November 27.
In surprise to…. no one, the baby has no intention of coming out on that date. Or any date around that date. Therefore, just like with Wombat, the midwives have launched their “WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE POST-DUE” offensive. As part of that exercise, I sat through a no-stress-test yesterday.
I’d like to mention that the no-stress part refers strictly to the baby. The mother can get pretty stressed out by the test, and that’s ok. Like, for example yesterday, when Wallaby decided that the test is a great time to take a nap after some vigorous kicking exercises. For the uninitiated, the no-stress-test is when they strap a monitor to your belly to check how often the baby is kicking (and how his heart rate does when he kicks). If the baby does not kick enough (whatever enough is, I’m not sure), then you have failed the test. I know. It’s just like high school Presidential Fitness Test, but in utero.
Wombat was nice enough to kick like mad during the entire 20 minutes. Granted, he spot-kicked the monitor, but still, he was nice enough to kick. Wallaby, as I said, decided to ignore the test altogether and took a nap, which prompted the midwife to make a concerned face and send me to the hospital for a “semi-emergency” biophysical profile on the baby, just in case. Of course, as soon as I sat down in the car, Wallaby started moving like a tape of aerobics exercises was playing in my womb in front of him. Nice.
Anyway, a biophysical means an ultrasound, so I wasn’t too against the whole thing. I really liked getting a picture of Wombat’s face when he was 41 weeks, and was kind of looking forward to getting a picture of Wallaby too. I called husband to join me for this treat, and off we went. In the hospital, they ran another no-stress-test (which they said worked out fine, even though I swear Wallaby wasn’t moving more than at the midwives), and then shipped us off to the ultrasound.
And, as soon as the ultrasound was on, Wallaby did not move. He was very still. We had to zoom in on him, and when we zoomed on one of his hands, we saw…. him staring at his fist, folding and unfolding his fingers in a very contemplative manner. Staring off into the distance. Very poetic. The poetic atmosphere was interrupted by the technician, who told me “Can you make him move, because if he doesn’t, they’ll keep you in the hospital”.
I assumed “they’ll keep you in the hospital” meant “they’ll C-section this baby out of you”, rather than, say, “They’ll keep you and feed you lunch”, so I became very motivated and sat up. I’ve noticed that sitting up squishes Wallaby and he begins to squirm. It worked, until he settled down again and (I assume) stared at his other hand unfolding. Or something. Finally, we got enough movement out of him to declare the biophysical a success, got our report and left. Whew.
With the no stress test and the ultrasound (biophysical) behind us, now we wait. Just like before. Except hopefully not as long as before. Next Monday is another no stress test, and 9th is the induction (with the 10th being the expected latest date of birth). I don’t know if we’ll make it that long though; unlike Wombat, I think I am getting some contractions with this one already and the baby is riding lower. I think he is going to head for the exit once he has finished doing long division using his fingers or whatever it is he is working on in there.
This experience makes me a little bit concerned about this kid’s personality, I must say. Wombat is cooperative. Very. Other than forgetting what his due date was (or possibly just being too busy with his personal womb beautification projects), he has cooperated the entire time and continues to do so. Not Wallaby, it appears. I think this will be the child that will have me going to the principal’s office, explaining his latest shenanigans while he stands there angel-faced wearing an expression of deepest piety.